On a Hot Summers Night On A Train To Aluva.....

Some say a picture is worth a thousand words. You decide. WARNING - This story is not for the faint of heart. If you think you can handle it....read on.

It was about 0530hrs, we were on train ride #2 from Goa to Aluva. The two older ladies and the rest of their family had just gotten off the train at 0500. We now had lots of room. Randy and I had put the middle bunks down and had ordered chai from the many vendors now passing through selling coffee, chai and other breakfast goods. I was feeling pretty good even though I hadn’t had much sleep. The chai was delicious, just as I remembered it being when we would travel by train when I was a kid. I reminisced about our trip so far. We had been having a blast. No one had gotten sick. James and I had both “taken it easy” on the food over the last day. Both our stomachs hadn’t felt quite right but there was no other effects of nausea or loose stools. In fact,I had been passing gas with regular joy and pride as good gas usually brings! As I thought these good thoughts, I leaned away from Randy and lifted my left cheek and thigh to let one rip. As I pushed it out, I felt the usual bubble come forth, but accompanying it was an unusual warmth and moisture! My eyes opened wide with horror. I had just sharted! “This can’t be happening”, I thought to myself. “You are in a moving train with all your clothes packed in a suitcase and a nasty Indian style toilet with water/urine all over the floor”! I was almost in a panic. I didn’t know how much had come out. It felt like a gallon and I was reminded of Scott’s story of when he was driving to work and sharted in his truck and it ran down his leg onto the floor. At least he by himself and could drive home to shower. I was in a crowded train and there was no shower. I told Randy, “I gotta go, I need some toilet paper”, and I dug that out of my carryon bag. “You’re being pretty brave”, he said, “going to take a dump in that nasty toilet”. I didn’t reply, just grabbed the TP and left. I wanted to get there before I had a Scott moment. Fortunately, one of the 2 bathrooms was open and I got in right away. This one actually had a couple of dry areas on the floor. I turned my back to the mirror and looked behind. Horror of horrors! A big brown wet spot! Aaaghhhh! I can’t believe it. What was I going to do? I gingerly lowered my shorts and found the mess. After an entire roll of TP was used to clean as best I could, I padded the inside of my briefs and pulled up my shorts. I walked back to Randy quickly, hoping no one would appear behind me. It was still dark inside the cabin. I found a pack of anti-bacterial wipes and throughly cleaned my hands. I told Randy that I was a firm believer in “Photo Documentation”, and that he was going to have to take a picture. I pulled out my camera and handed it to him. He did not know what I was talking about until I turned around. I think his laughter woke up Merv because he looked down from above and joined in the laughter. James slept through the whole affair. After the picture, I pulled out my suitcase for new clothes. Thank goodness I had gone to Target the day before we left and bought a full size pack of Huggies baby wipes to bring with me. Back in the toilet, (the same one with a couple dry areas), I stripped and discovered that it is possible to have a bath with baby wipes! After cleaning up, I figured I might as well use the Indian toilet; I was already naked so it would be pretty easy. Would you believe……..nothing! Not a drop! I was so pissed. One wet fart and that was it? I was so wishing Pearl and Mike were here to witness this. They were so envious of me on our last trip to India. They both were living on the edge every time they passed gas. I was the only one of us three who could fart with impunity! Not any more…….....